Real Mom?

“Real Mom?” This is a weird term that I’m not sure I agree with. I’ve been pondering these two words for about a month, and I just don’t feel like this is a fair phrase. I do have two moms, but I have never called either one of them my “real mother” because each one has shaped me into who I am today. Frankly, calling one of them my “real mom” feels like I am neglecting my other mom.

When you look up mother in the dictionary, the first definition is a female parent which, in my opinion, leaves a lot of room for our own interpretation. In fact, this explanation doesn’t say anything about genes, biology, or even about raising a child.

My adoptive mother is the one who flew on a plane all the way to China. She has taught me right from wrong and has been my teacher for most of life. When I was little, she used to pick out my outfits, and now that I am older, she’s helping me grow in my journey with God. It’s been almost 11 years, and a lot of who I am is because of her.

On the other hand, my birth mother gave me life. I have half of her genes, and I probably look a lot like her. But ultimately, she made the heart-wrenching sacrifice; she gave me up, so that I could get the medical help I needed to stay alive. Even though I don’t remember her, I still love her.

Today is Mother’s Day, and this is why I am writing this blog post. I recently read a children’s book entitled, “You’re Not My REAL Mother!” In this book, the little girl told her adoptive mother that she wasn’t her “real mother”, and then, the mother, throughout the story, proceeded to prove of how she was her “real mother” based on her loving actions. However, I did not agree with the mom’s perspective on these two words. In all honesty, everyone has to come up with their own conclusions on how they will view their families.

Nonetheless, the reason I don’t like this term is because of the word real. The antonym of real is fake, false, or imitation. So, basically, I perceive this as calling one mom a “real mom,” which, to me, is indirectly calling the other one false.

To me, both mothers could be considered real because both have made sacrifices, but just in two very distinct ways. Both of them are real, genuine people who have proved their love in different ways. And I don’t think the title has to belong to just one mother.

I am not trying to stir up any disagreements about the term “real mom”.  And, I also realize that my point of view could change, but for right now, I will avoid using the term “real mother” because I don’t feel that it is the most fitting phrase. Happy Mother’s Day to both of my moms!

Loving My Scars

I’ve heard that all scars tell a story and that every scar shows us something we’ve overcome. It’s taken me a long time to realize just how true this is. I never saw my scar on my arm as anything but an imperfect mark on my skin. I always felt slightly insecure about it, as it has always reminded me of my past and my fear of extreme heat.

When I was younger, my mom would tell me that someday, when I was older, we could look into methods that would hide my scar. I’m going to be honest here; there were times when I really wanted this. In the summer, when I would wear a tank-top or go to dance with a sleeveless leotard, people would ask questions. I know they were just curious, and I really couldn’t blame them for inquiring, but it really did bother me. In my little girl mind, having to tell people multiple times that I didn’t know how it happened was the most embarrassing thing.

Now, I look back and see things differently because my embarrassing moments have been far worse. More importantly, my perspective on my scar has changed; half the time, I don’t even realize it’s there. It’s gone from being this imperfection on my skin to being a “battle scar.” It shows where I’ve been and how far I’ve come and now it’s starting to fade. Now, people don’t notice it as much, and I rarely get questioned about it.

One night, when I was trying to sleep, I suddenly realized that I didn’t want my scar to fade. This thought literally put my whole brain on halt for three seconds, which is beyond rare. I spent most of my life wishing it would fade, but now? I want my scar to stay as long as it will. Now, that I’m getting older, I see this mark as a part of who I am.

I know my parents would be supportive if I wanted to do something cosmetically to fade or get rid of the scar. But, as much as I wanted to when I was younger, I couldn’t bring myself to do it today. It’s more than a scar to me: it’s part of my journey and my story. And, the scar is the one thing I still have from China, and it’s one of the blessings I’ve been given.

Just In Time For Christmas!

Here’s to a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! This season truly reminds us of all our blessings, doesn’t it? This week, I was blessed, humbled, and amazed to be a small part of an ongoing adoption process.

Two years ago, when my book The Newest Flower was still in the publishing process, my mom and I were planning a book presentation at our church. The day before we were to present, our pastor postponed our presentation for one week later.  Of course, we were both a tad bothered by this because we had stayed up late the night before planning our presentation.

Little did we know that the following week a very special couple were visiting from Wisconsin. When my mom and I went up, I shared a little bit about my own story, and how adoption was close to my heart. This testimony blessed this couple to the point that they came and spoke to my mom at the five minute break. They told her how much my story had moved them and how they had considered adoption but were hesitant.

Later, at the end of the church service, my mom felt led to tell them how we were scheduled to present the week before, but our pastor had cancelled at the last minute. As the tears fell from this couple, we all knew that this was not a coincidence!

Two years later, this couple came home for the holidays--one of the rare times we saw them at our church. They came up to my mom and showed her a picture of a beautiful little girl that they are adopting from China in March!

Honestly, this is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received! I’m still trying to wrap my brain around how great God is. He used one little presentation to give this little girl a story of redemption and a family.

I hope this story makes you smile and realize just how amazing adoption can be. I hope that you will join me and pray for this family as they embark on this journey.