All You Can Ever Know Book Review

Seeded in all of us is the desire to know, to chase after facts, and to grow in knowledge of the world around us while discovering who we are. Adoptees are no different; in fact, their quest to find answers is even more profound at times, and in the memoir All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung, she dives deep into her wish to know the story about her adoption. 

In the very first few chapters, Nicole tells us about her background. Adopted as an infant, she never knew anything but what her parents chose to tell her, which to her frustration, wasn’t very much. With these shreds of information, she attempts to find her place as the only Korean in her little town. However, when she goes to college, she meets like-minded people and fellow Koreans, feeling for the first time in her life, that answers were within her reach. 

But not until she’s pregnant with her own child, does something truly stir inside of her. The seedling of fascination from her youth was plaguing her, and when her child was old enough to ask questions, she wanted to be able to answer them. After a few weeks of consideration, she takes the leap of faith and hires an adoption intermediary to gain access to files that hold the names of her birth family.

It turned out that the picture-perfect ideal she imagined as a girl was faded into a harsher reality. But as Chung reflects, she shares about how learning about her past made her realize that adoption isn’t black and white, right or wrong. It’s an intricate web of emotions, and there’s no exact way to go about it. One of my favorite quotes that truly encaptures her journey is this: “Today, when I’m asked, I often say that I no longer consider adoption—individual adoptions, or adoption as a practice—in terms of right or wrong. I urge people to go into it with their eyes open, recognizing how complex it truly is; I encourage adopted people to tell their stories, our stories, and let no one else define these experiences for us.”  

To say this book is eye-opening would be an understatement. As an Asian adoptee myself, I connected with her stories of not fitting in and how she imagined a different reality where she was with her birth family. Chung shared her deepest, most secret thoughts and they made me look at my own story differently. For example, I’ve never been against the prospect of finding my birth family, but I’ve never thought about what would happen if I actually did. After reading this, I sat down and journaled my thoughts, and realized that I do want to try to get those answers, but not immediately. Something unique about this story is that she spends her whole life wondering, but doesn’t act upon it as soon as she can. She waits, and even spends time considering if she wants to, which emphasizes that it’s okay for adoptees to be hesitant and to take their time because it’s not always about having answers, but rather it’s about being emotionally ready for those answers.  

As much as I loved the candidness of this book, it felt rather cynical at times. I realize that I am not always the most optimistic person, but in this book, especially in the beginning, I felt like Chung’s views on adoption were one-sided, which might may have developed because she had no exposure to people like her. Despite this reasoning, it made the first few chapters difficult to read because I didn’t agree with her frame of mind. Adoption isn’t inherently good or bad, it’s a beautiful mix of both, and with all the negativity surrounding this subject, I think it is important to weigh both sides of the coin. 

Altogether, there is a reason this book was nominated for awards such as being a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for Autobiography, was named a Best Book of the Year by the Washington Post, and is one of the most popular memoirs to date. It was groundbreaking in the adoption world, unapologetically outspoken, yet held together by a subdued voice, longing to be heard. Even though there were parts of this book I didn’t agree with, this is a book I would highly recommend to any adoptee who has a desire to learn about their roots. 

The Length of a String Book Review

Just how far can our roots connect us to our past, how does our DNA shape us, and how far is the length of a string? In the book, The Length of a String, by Elissa Brent Weissman, we meet Imani, a Jewish girl who’s nearing her bat mitzvah. She knows what gift she wants: the chance to find her birth family. Living as a person of color in a predominantly white community is rough, and Imani wants answers to the questions she has about her birth parents.

When Imani’s grandmother dies, Imani and her brother Jaime are left all her books. While sorting through them, Imani finds an old journal, dating back to the Holocaust times. As she reads through the journal with her best friend Madeline, she finds out that her grandmother’s story is similar to her own and reevaluates what the word “family” truly means. 

I quickly found myself falling in love with this story and Imani. Many authors don’t understand that while adoption can bring up hard questions and be the spark for self-discovery, adoption isn’t by definition horrible and depressing. Author Weissman, in my opinion, accurately wrote Imani, who despite having a loving family, wants to know more about her roots, which I closely relate to. This story shows that there’s not always one right way to handle something, but there can be many wrong ways. Finding out who you are isn’t always easy, and what you think you want isn’t always what is needed. This is a book I would highly recommend for both adoptees and non-adoptees. Imani is a great, well-written character, the story is well developed, and the journey to self-discovery is one every person can relate to, even if they are not adopted.

Find Me Movie Review

Here's my second movie review!

Find Me Movie Review:

There’s something so special about hearing someone’s adoption story. It’s personal and intimate, and in the documentary Find Me, directed by husband and wife duo Dave and Kathi Peters, we get the rare chance to follow several families whose lives have been changed by adoption.

The first family we meet are the LeSeur’s, good friends of the Peters, who bring a camera with them to China to film the adoption. Watching Hayley, the little girl, get adopted is heartwarming, but only moments later do we see her nanny crying in the hallway. Something so unique about this documentary is that we get to see the nanny that took care of Hayley for almost three years, a perspective that is not addressed often.

When the LeSeur's arrive back, they sit down with the Peters to share their story, and the group quickly decides to return to China, and and try to locate their daughter’s “finding place,” the place where children are left, usually with blankets and a note. While they planned their trip to China, Michael Rottina, an advocate for a Chinese orphanage, called them, asking them to help him by raising awareness to the many orphans of a recently flooded orphanage.

Along the way, we meet two other families, the Greens, and Zimmermans, who both end up being in China at the same time. The Greens are a family of ten, seven of them have special needs, and that is what parents Jeremy and Christianne say make them a family. Merle and Kim Zimmerman are heading to China at the same point to adopt their eighth child, Lucy, who suffered from a condition called Congenital Vertical Talus. From the point of an outsider looking in, it’s incredibly powerful to see the moment where you meet your newest family member, and this film documented these moments perfectly.

Because the focal point of this documentary is to showcase the families, the filming is far from perfect, and oftentimes moments sound over-scripted. I was able to overlook most of these occasions because I was so encaptured by the content. Overall, this film was a candid and touching showcase of both the challenges and beauty that comes along with adoption.

For more information visit these sites: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSWqGkNCUA

http://ourredthread.blogspot.com/

http://www.abeautifulroad.com/