Loving My Scars

I’ve heard that all scars tell a story and that every scar shows us something we’ve overcome. It’s taken me a long time to realize just how true this is. I never saw my scar on my arm as anything but an imperfect mark on my skin. I always felt slightly insecure about it, as it has always reminded me of my past and my fear of extreme heat.

When I was younger, my mom would tell me that someday, when I was older, we could look into methods that would hide my scar. I’m going to be honest here; there were times when I really wanted this. In the summer, when I would wear a tank-top or go to dance with a sleeveless leotard, people would ask questions. I know they were just curious, and I really couldn’t blame them for inquiring, but it really did bother me. In my little girl mind, having to tell people multiple times that I didn’t know how it happened was the most embarrassing thing.

Now, I look back and see things differently because my embarrassing moments have been far worse. More importantly, my perspective on my scar has changed; half the time, I don’t even realize it’s there. It’s gone from being this imperfection on my skin to being a “battle scar.” It shows where I’ve been and how far I’ve come and now it’s starting to fade. Now, people don’t notice it as much, and I rarely get questioned about it.

One night, when I was trying to sleep, I suddenly realized that I didn’t want my scar to fade. This thought literally put my whole brain on halt for three seconds, which is beyond rare. I spent most of my life wishing it would fade, but now? I want my scar to stay as long as it will. Now, that I’m getting older, I see this mark as a part of who I am.

I know my parents would be supportive if I wanted to do something cosmetically to fade or get rid of the scar. But, as much as I wanted to when I was younger, I couldn’t bring myself to do it today. It’s more than a scar to me: it’s part of my journey and my story. And, the scar is the one thing I still have from China, and it’s one of the blessings I’ve been given.

Just In Time For Christmas!

Here’s to a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! This season truly reminds us of all our blessings, doesn’t it? This week, I was blessed, humbled, and amazed to be a small part of an ongoing adoption process.

Two years ago, when my book The Newest Flower was still in the publishing process, my mom and I were planning a book presentation at our church. The day before we were to present, our pastor postponed our presentation for one week later.  Of course, we were both a tad bothered by this because we had stayed up late the night before planning our presentation.

Little did we know that the following week a very special couple were visiting from Wisconsin. When my mom and I went up, I shared a little bit about my own story, and how adoption was close to my heart. This testimony blessed this couple to the point that they came and spoke to my mom at the five minute break. They told her how much my story had moved them and how they had considered adoption but were hesitant.

Later, at the end of the church service, my mom felt led to tell them how we were scheduled to present the week before, but our pastor had cancelled at the last minute. As the tears fell from this couple, we all knew that this was not a coincidence!

Two years later, this couple came home for the holidays--one of the rare times we saw them at our church. They came up to my mom and showed her a picture of a beautiful little girl that they are adopting from China in March!

Honestly, this is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received! I’m still trying to wrap my brain around how great God is. He used one little presentation to give this little girl a story of redemption and a family.

I hope this story makes you smile and realize just how amazing adoption can be. I hope that you will join me and pray for this family as they embark on this journey.

Lost the Key

Since the beginning, I have been overwhelmed with love. Even as a toddler, Mickey and Minnie were our first “real” couple. Eventually, it changed to Ariel and Eric, and then Rapunzel and Eugene, my favorite! We also fondly remember these famous couples: Cory and Topanga, Jesse and Becky, and Prince Harry and Meghan. Our culture is in love with “being in love”. So, naturally, these feelings have started to take root in younger kids. And while love is a worldwide phenomenon that knits families, friends, and people together, it is also demonstrated through our society to have a partner in life.

Recently, I’ve been questioning myself. I’m thirteen and have never had a crush. Actually, this is not 100% accurate because I have to admit that I’ve had crushes on fictional characters, but never a real live human being. Yep, weird, I know. Let’s continue. I thought something was wrong with me; after all, I am “the one” at the sleepover who talks about the guy in the book that she had just read.

Why do I do this? I blame it on being abandoned multiple times in China, reading too many romances, and watching television. In all these plots, it usually consists of falling madly in love (usually not admitting it), betrayal or something taken the wrong way, breaking up, crying in bed for a day, and then getting back together. You see, as an author, I can create a enticing story plot, but unfortunately, this is also one of my weaknesses. I create stories in my head of possible life circumstances and end up making them end terribly. This is similar to daydreaming about my birth parents, except these mini stories could be Hollywood blockbusters but not with a happy Disney ending.

A lot of this is psychological. If I never like a guy, I can never get hurt. If the guy never likes me back, I won’t be upset because I will never let myself dwell on him.

Summing up, I’ve basically locked up all my feelings for guys in a little box and lost the key.

It’s not just my overly creative mind; it’s a coping mechanism. If I can make myself afraid of attaching to someone, then, I can’t be hurt by that person. When you create these stories, they start to haunt you in life and affect your decisions, actions, and thoughts. Being scared of love creates walls harder to tear down, which leads to less people hurting you. I lost a lot of people during my early years, and because of that, I’m trying to protect myself from losing people in the future.

Honestly, I’m not sure where this understanding will lead me. I might not have feelings for a guy until I’m seventeen, or it might be in five months, I really don’t know. I just know that in time these puzzle pieces of my life will fall into place, just like God planned.