July 1, 2018

The Tangle of Knots

Being adopted is like having a tangle of knots. Little by little, these knots will start to unravel, but certain knots seem impossible to untangle. In fact, it seems like as you are trying to fix the old ones, you end up creating new knots! At times, you may even want to give up! While untangling a ball of knots may seem unimportant or time-consuming, it is the lessons we learn while unraveling these knots that are important. Through these journeys, we learn how to avoid making more knots while gaining patience and perseverance.
Adoption can teach you many lessons. While your "knots" may never all be unraveled, it is the journey that makes us a better person. Everyone has a ball of knots to untangle in their own lives, but some of our knots, as adoptees, are because of the past, pain, and trauma we have endured. Knots are not something to be scared of or dread.  Instead, we need to face these challenges head-on because, in the end, you will learn more about the way you think and process your feelings.

What are these knots? 
  • Not knowing our biological parents, or wishing we would never see them again
  • Wrestling with the loss and abandonment or struggling with the fear of being taken away
  • There are certain things we hate, and others that we love, but we have no idea why
  • Some people are scared of getting hurt more, while others second guess their self-worth. 
  • We have a hard time trusting and are afraid of being vulnerable to anyone. 
If any of these examples are what you are struggling with, you're not alone! Each tangle is unique and has to be untangled carefully, or more knots may be created, but the process is a time of growth and maturing emotionally. Some knots are never meant to be completely untangled, while others are easier to undo.  You just have to trust the process and take it one "knot" at a time.

Really, these knots are a blessing in disguise, and you may not see that yet. Unfortunately, you can't just wish these knots away, because they are a part of who you are; they are part of "your story". Sometimes, the pains seem unbearable, and that is why we push them away. It hurts too much to face the pain that they bring, but without pain, you can never get healing.

I'm still working through my own pains. Are you wrestling with pain, too?  If so, you're not alone! Everyone who is adopted feels pain from their past, all differently.

My goal in the next few posts is to share my knots that I am struggling with and hope that you will be able to share your stories, your pain, and your growth with all of us.  Let's do this journey together!

In the comments, please share how you feel about this post and what knots you are untangling right now. Don't feel embarrassed to share, there will be no judgment.  I pray that God will bless you today as you embark on the challenge of untangling your knots with me.

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